Don't Eat This At Home

Peanut butter. It is salty, crunchy, and delicious. It also lasts forever, never going out of date in your store cupboard. Seriously, how many people have honestly thrown out a jar of peanut butter?

Or that's what I thought. Until today.

It looked so innocent, nothing to betray the taste horror within

I was wandering around the home of a relative I was staying with. They are an awful lot better off than most everyone else I know (they have a whole second fridge dedicated to expensive alcohol) and always have exciting things in. What arises from this, on occasion, is that things can get forgotten. On this particular occasion I was on a mission to locate breakfast...

So, I find a jar of peanut butter and crack it open, as you do. Stick the knife in, as you do. The problem arose when the jar content reached my mouth.

It was salty, sure, but it most certainly wasn't delicious. In fact, it tasted a lot like rancid butter combined with claggy slime, with overtones of fetid sock.

This crime against deliciousness could not be intentional, Surely? So, I checked the label. Use by 2012.

Jar, meet bin. 

Two coffees later, I can still taste the stuff. Rarely, have I regretted food this much. I may require therapy for peanut butter related PTSD in later life, and I am definitely sending them the bill.

The moral of this story: never, ever, eat out of date peanut butter. 

My so-called 'great ideas': posh holiday

Now, it shouldn't surprise anyone who has known me for more than five minutes that once I get a 'great idea' it tends to get stuck in my head.

Quite often these 'great' ideas turn out not even to be 'good' ideas.

Occasionally we even lapse into 'really, really bad idea' territory. For example, the time a friend and I built a raft that was too heavy to carry to water, or the time I bought 2 hamsters on a whim, and ended up with 50. Then repeated with rabbits.

Who could regret that face?

Anyway, to get back to the point at hand, my new 'really, really awesome' idea was that I want to go on an 'adults only' holiday.

Before you get on your high horse with the judging, I would like to state it is not that kind of adult holiday (get your mind out of the gutter). No, this is a Warner Leisure holiday, which I have been wanting to do since I was about 15.

In retrospect, the main reason I wanted to go was that I couldn't, being under the age limit at the time. Now I re-look at the adverts and realize that they are probably catering the the over 50's.

Nevertheless, it is booked, and I am dragging my long-suffering husband away in February to pretend to be posh with me in a castle.

My next job is to figure out how to act normal for an entire weekend...