There was a spider ON MY FACE

There I was, innocently sleeping, when I feel something running across my face just below my eye. I sleep on my side, so the thing was heading down towards my nose. What is your reaction when you feel something on your face? Here is the sequence of events as happened to myself:

Whack mystery thing on my face.

Jump up out of bed. Identify dead spider. Minorly freak out.

Wake husband, explain the horror I just experienced. to be told Husband says I am overreacting and it must have been just my hair tickling me.

Point to dead spider.

Husband grunts something along the lines of 'well, how about that' and falls back asleep.

Retreat to bathroom to wash dead spider bits from face.

Scrub face repeatedly.

Fear face may never be clean again.

Don't Eat This At Home

Peanut butter. It is salty, crunchy, and delicious. It also lasts forever, never going out of date in your store cupboard. Seriously, how many people have honestly thrown out a jar of peanut butter?

Or that's what I thought. Until today.

It looked so innocent, nothing to betray the taste horror within

I was wandering around the home of a relative I was staying with. They are an awful lot better off than most everyone else I know (they have a whole second fridge dedicated to expensive alcohol) and always have exciting things in. What arises from this, on occasion, is that things can get forgotten. On this particular occasion I was on a mission to locate breakfast...

So, I find a jar of peanut butter and crack it open, as you do. Stick the knife in, as you do. The problem arose when the jar content reached my mouth.

It was salty, sure, but it most certainly wasn't delicious. In fact, it tasted a lot like rancid butter combined with claggy slime, with overtones of fetid sock.

This crime against deliciousness could not be intentional, Surely? So, I checked the label. Use by 2012.

Jar, meet bin. 

Two coffees later, I can still taste the stuff. Rarely, have I regretted food this much. I may require therapy for peanut butter related PTSD in later life, and I am definitely sending them the bill.

The moral of this story: never, ever, eat out of date peanut butter.